IT'S HARD TO TRAVEL WITH A BROKEN HEART

Heart on wall in Oaxaca
Before anything else, I want to share with you the hardest part of my trip this past year. You might have guessed it, getting over a break up while traveling. When I moved out of my ex’s apartment last year after breaking up, I knew I was doing the right thing. I packed what I had and put some of it in storage & the rest in my mom’s garage. It was hard, but it was the only thing I could do after everything we had gone through in the few months leading up to this point.

The Beginning

My ex and I met in high school
during our senior year and we became really good friends right away. Even though I moved away for college he was always there when I needed him. He always gave me the best dating advice even if I didn’t always take it. ;) To make the story short he became my best friend.

Sunset in Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca
The Middle

We always seemed to have a strong attraction towards each other, but because of the distance and mostly because we didn’t wanna ruin our friendship, we avoided going any further. Finally, everything fell into place, we moved into the same town at the same time and we started dating. We got serious and well it was soo nice to finally be together.

The End

Unfortunately, it did not last long. I don’t wanna go into details, but let’s just say that it was not a smooth break up. I was fortunate to travel to Mexico merely two days after our break up, which I thought would distract me from all the pain I was feeling. It worked for about a week. Then it hit me. I had lost my boyfriend and my best friend all at once, forever. Given the reasons behind our break up, our once beautiful friendship would never be the same. It was all f&%ked up.


1st night in Oaxaca
Mixed Emotions

My emotions were all over the place. I was soo angry for allowing others to get between us in this way and not knowing how to handle situations to keep our problems from escalating. I was hurt because he allowed others to take him away from me, his best friend of so many years. I felt so betrayed for the way our relationship finally ended.

When I finally arrived to Oaxaca to celebrate Day of the Dead, I was just sad. I tried to pick up the pieces the best I could and move on with my trip, but it was just soo hard. How could I enjoy myself completely when inside I was so hurt? How could I smile when my heart had just been broken? How could I admire all the beauty around me when a really important part of my world had just crumbled?
I wrote this poem during that tough time.

Monte Alban, Oaxaca
It’s hard to travel with a broken heart

Some might think
Why?
You meet so many more people!
Yes, but they are gone as quickly as they appeared
When people know you are on the move
They are friendly and nice
But they keep you at a safe distance
They don’t wanna get too attached
To a traveler just passing by

It’s hard to travel with a broken heart
Yes there are tons of happy moments
To distract you from the pain
and the new memories created are incredible
Yet they are fleeting and nomadic
Like taking only one bite from your favorite cake

It’s hard to travel with a broken heart
Yet we all do it sometimes
To escape the pain
To slowly heal
So we can do it all over again

Having dinner with Shawn & Kika
Closure

Luckily, my awesome friend Shawn came to the rescue. Yes, I cried on his shoulder many times. Shawn and his girlfriend Kika listened to my sorrows. They and new friends entertained me during my stay in Oaxaca and slowly but surely my smile returned. I spent 2 whole months in Oaxaca healing my broken heart. During my stay, I managed to have closure with my ex by telling him exactly how much he had hurt me. Even if he still did not get it, that wasn’t important anymore. I felt better letting him know how I felt.

Moving On

When I was finally ready, it was really hard to say goodbye to everyone who even without their knowledge had helped to bring my smile back, but I had to move on. By the time I left Oaxaca I was at peace with myself and 100% sure I could continue with my trip and be ok. I will be forever thankful to all those who with their friendship helped me heal and feel stronger than ever. GRACIAS!!

4 comments:

Rocio Juarez said... [Reply to comment]

Wow. Gracias por compartir algo tan intimo. Me das animos porque aunque mi corazon ya no esta completamente roto, aun le queda un poquito para ser libre otra vez....se puede decir que estoy lista y me sent feliz, solo quedan algunos recuerdos.
Perder la amistad Es lo que en mi punto de vista duele mas. Eres fuerte, y tienes una sonrisa que contajia a la jente. No nos queda otra mas que sonreirle a la vida despues de la descarga.

Angela said... [Reply to comment]

Moving on from a breakup is always difficult, traveling helps for sure, at least for me, but nothing "from the outside" can really be decisive. Only working from the inside you can help yourself, and this means getting on with your life and looking at new long term projects, be them for work or personal. You are on the right path :)

Superxicana said... [Reply to comment]

@Rocio Juarez Claro que si =) Quise compartir esta experiencia porque gracias a esta separacion, pude reflexionar en muchos aspectos de mi persona durante mi viaje y crecer como mujer. Lo mejor es aprender de lo negativo y convertirlo en algo positivo =))) Estoy segura que tu haras lo mismo ;))

Superxicana said... [Reply to comment]

@Angela I totally agree. After this first phase of our break up, I was able to reflect on the lessons I learned and feel really good about my personal growth as a result. This was definitely key for me to be able to move on in a positive way =)))

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